If only…..
- Zaida Ayliff Solomons
All rights reserved@Allah’s presence
I’ve always preferred the company of the elderly. Since I was very little, I remember always being close by to where the elders conversed, seemingly playing with my toys but keeping my ears tuned in to their every word, thinking to myself that one day when I grow up, I am going to need to know these things about life.
This weekend I listened attentively to an uncle who has experienced life for 76 year
s Ma shaa Allah. His wife had departed from this dhunya five months ago. This is what he had to say:
“We would have been married fifty years the month after she passed. If only I had known… that I would be missing her this much, I would’ve washed her feet every day of our fifty years. If only I had known…I would’ve looked passed all the little things that bothered me about her. Was it really necessary to blame her always? I could never understand her methods of raising the children. To me, everything was black and white. There is a line. You step out of the line and I will have to put you back in the line; that was my view. While she sheltered them, I saw it as undermining my authority. No wonder, Allah SWT says: Your mother, your mother, your mother…and then your father. That’s the beauty of a mother, SubhanAllah. She loved the children differently to me.
I never noticed the things that mattered most. My wife was never mad at me for longer than one waqt to the other; Only now I realize what a beautiful quality that was of hers. Every morning I have this surreal feeling that I could swear she had just woken me for the Fajr prayer but when I open my eyes, to my disappointment I know that she is not there. I get up and pray alone. Of all the things I miss about her, I miss praying with her the most.”
My heart ached feeling pierced as the love and pining for his dear wife was evident in those dull eyes. After a moment of silence I found my voice despite the lump in my throat and said:
“Uncle, you must speak to all the married couples who still have their spouses. If they knew, they would do things differently, learning from your experience In shaa Allah. “My child” he said despondently “who would listen to an old man like me? They all think that they know better.”
Tears welled up as I realized that he was right. We repeat the same cycles even though the writing is on the wall.
‘You can only warn him who follows the reminder and fears the Beneficent Allah in secret; so announce to him forgiveness and an honourable reward.’
Surah Yaseen [Shakir 36:11]
“We would have been married fifty years the month after she passed. If only I had known… that I would be missing her this much, I would’ve washed her feet every day of our fifty years. If only I had known…I would’ve looked passed all the little things that bothered me about her. Was it really necessary to blame her always? I could never understand her methods of raising the children. To me, everything was black and white. There is a line. You step out of the line and I will have to put you back in the line; that was my view. While she sheltered them, I saw it as undermining my authority. No wonder, Allah SWT says: Your mother, your mother, your mother…and then your father. That’s the beauty of a mother, SubhanAllah. She loved the children differently to me.
I never noticed the things that mattered most. My wife was never mad at me for longer than one waqt to the other; Only now I realize what a beautiful quality that was of hers. Every morning I have this surreal feeling that I could swear she had just woken me for the Fajr prayer but when I open my eyes, to my disappointment I know that she is not there. I get up and pray alone. Of all the things I miss about her, I miss praying with her the most.”
My heart ached feeling pierced as the love and pining for his dear wife was evident in those dull eyes. After a moment of silence I found my voice despite the lump in my throat and said:
“Uncle, you must speak to all the married couples who still have their spouses. If they knew, they would do things differently, learning from your experience In shaa Allah. “My child” he said despondently “who would listen to an old man like me? They all think that they know better.”
Tears welled up as I realized that he was right. We repeat the same cycles even though the writing is on the wall.
‘You can only warn him who follows the reminder and fears the Beneficent Allah in secret; so announce to him forgiveness and an honourable reward.’
Surah Yaseen [Shakir 36:11]
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