I do not seek your understanding nor 

do I seek ur approval..

I do not need ur permission nor 

do I need ur sarcasm..

The journey..the struggles.. the road we had taken are different..

The journey is still endless and the road is vast..

What u see and feels about me are just mere what u wanted to believe..

In reality you can't foresee beyond the broken mirror..   

So i let u be...     



  

As time goes by... the realization...that ... 
the familiar faces whom  had been there for me ..
either had passed on.. or had to go thru stages that i knew..
and dread ..
They are the ones whom i held dear..in my heart and my memories..
The loved ones that are still here.. are more precious as there are 
so few of them..
How can i not feel affected and saddened...
As that been said..
I'm gonna chose from now on to have flashbacks/memories in my 
life...
only of the familiar sounds.. smell..laughter..smiles..gestures..
I do not want to be weight down with the unnecessary 
bitter memories.. which either been pounded on me or perceptions
of people who chooses not to believe in me as they think they know me well.....
Isn't life  too short?
I wish I could tell them to make happy memories ...even if it's short lived hold to 
them as long as u can..do not mind the setbacks that surely one 
day u might have to go thru it..
I wish i could tell them.. do not do the things u would not others do to u..
we do not live in the past.. that is why it's called the present n the future..
I wish i could tell them .. pls do not take anyone for granted or 
of all the blessings how small it can be..Hey, whatever we think we have or own 
doesn't really belong to us.. 
Right now.. all I can do is to make doas for the loved ones that had passed on..
And make doas for the loved ones that I still held dear..




      
   


         
  

Ramadhan Mubarak dear all.. 

Please forgive me if i have hurt you in anyway..

May you have a blessed Ramadhan :)

I'm not like a candle who burns for other's..
be it for loved ones or a stranger..
such like what some perceived me to be.. 

We all crossed path fated by Allah..
There is always a reason to it..
Some instantly connected as such our souls
were once connected before..

It's just that i believed..
Life is precious and when you have lost many loved ones you realize each day is a gift.. 
Especially when at times those loved ones were your rock 
and had your back in good and bad times..
The yearning for them mounting especially at times like this..

All around trudging in this dunia..
what i only see are the ones
who chose to take things for granted..
Either loved ones or just even simply small blessings..
Or either they prefer to live in the past and won't let go..
However i have tried to reach but the feelings are not reciprocated
The hardened heart..

How can someone thrive if there is no support and encouragement?
as they cannot understand what i meant as they have not
lead the life of always grappling alone..
It can be crippling when u tied down with assortment of
things and health..
If only they know and understand..   




 

Sambal Ikan Bilis and Kacang 

Cooked this when i missed my mum. She used to cook this when i was little...

Assalamualaikum,

Dear all...
Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum wa kullu 'aamin wa antum bikhayr (May Allah except it from us and you and many you be well every year)... Ameen...

Eid Mubarak.. May u have a prosperous and blessed Eid and may u have a joyous and spirited Eid day with all your loved ones.. Ameen...

Wishing you and your family blessings of Ramadhan....
Ramadhan Mubarak !!!
Pleases forgive me if i had hurt or wronged you in any way..

If... only you knew... the struggles i have to go through...each day.....

Everyday.. the degree of the struggles are different...varies immensely...

to a point....at times i no longer feels that i could go on...

I'm grappling each day.. trying to keep afloat...

If... only you knew....that i am not strong enough as you think i am..

May be... u would understand more...

May be... you would be more empathetic towards me..

May be ... you would be here for me...

Yesterday.. a kind wonderful soul had among other things given me a tasbih..the gesture had touched me so much so ..that it made me cry.. as she was the second person who had given them to me.. the first person was my beloved late grandma..

On one occasion ...few years ago..when we had our usual talks... suddenly she gets up and gently handed me these beautiful beads..tasbih..
i've still recalled vividly ...her every words..telling me to make good use of it..advising me..to zikir..to always remember i'm not alone... like always... she was there for me..These gesture although it does not occur to me at that time had me realize over time that she wanted to make sure that i would be alright.. handing a part of her.. 

Since then.. the tasbihs are always near me.. like the longing for me for Allah Ya Rabb n my dear grandma... right where its easy for me to reach.... where i could see... just by holding it comforts me... when i'm in pain.. when even taking painkillers doesn't help...when i'm sad and what other these temporary dunia problems has to offer...

When i get so overwhelmed.. when this heart would feels as though it would explode..i would hug them.. imagining... i'm being embraced by Allah Ya Rabb and  my beloved grandma.. Ya Allah Ya Rabb...especially at times like this.. i miss my late grandma n my late grandfather so...

May Allah gives mercy on them and gives them Jannatul Firdaus.. Ameen.. 

Never take for granted what Allah has given u..your health... every small blessings.. even it might be small for you but when it's gone you will long for it..treat your loved ones as though theirs or yours will be the last..             

Tomorrow is my birthday.... i don't know why this year means more to me than the other previous years which i mostly let it past as though it was another day..

Maybe the reason being ...when i had looked back..especially my health problems..my lung failure, pneumonia, the 2 biopsies, previous scare of cancer.. many more which i had to endure..and life trials, problems.. had hit me real hard..

At times i encounter blessings which i had embraced and appreciated.. even the smallest ones.. and the greater ones seems more like a dream to me.. as i go through the motions.. each one priceless.. regardless what it is..

I had lost many loved ones and only Allah knows what i had to endured in this temporary dunia..lessons are priceless.. past n present..but each time when i felt lost... or hope.. trying to just grapple anything i could find..or hold..in the storm..Allah had send me precious souls or something ..to hold on to....to remind me.. the hidden blessings of it all..

Even if its hard to endure..or when in the midst of souls who choose to test and perceive u through their eyes and mind...forgiving is the only key..to let go..life is too short.. when a precious life could be taken in an instant..its sad when pain and hatred are chosen over loving memories...i live in the present not in the past... 

  

  

  

           

Sometime ago i was visited by these beautiful kind souls ..
 i called them 'Angels fr Allah'..
There are 3 beautiful 'angels' accompanied by 2 little adorable 'angels' bearing gifts of hope and bounty..
They radiates the room just being there..
When i was looking at them..speechless and in awe..
thinking..
Ya Allah.. ya rabb.. we are not related by blood... but they were willing to reach their hands to me, assisting, listening..
U had answered my duas ya Allah..Ya Rabb and i'm so grateful..
They are amongst the kind,beautiful, souls which you had send
to me..
Their beautiful souls radiates from within...
May Allah gives them blessings and gives them the best in this dunia and akhirah... Ameen..

Yesterday a big tissue was taken from me and was sent to biopsy to see if it's cancerous or it has other complications.Will only know in a few weeks time. Please make dua/prayers for me to get well soon and the results of the biopsy will be negative for cancer and other complications. Jazakallah khair/thank you very much.... 

I've been really sick for a while and ambulance had to be called. I've just been discharged today but i need to go for further check ups and appointments hoping it won't be serious and had to be admitted again. Please keep in me your duas(prayers) and thoughts for me to get well soon.. thank you ...jazaakallah khairan :)

For the people that i care  and loved.. 
and in turn those who had care and loved me ..
For whom i had the privilege to know, 
and share the sweet memories..
the bond that was shared, the sacrifices that were made..
the smile, laughter and tears..
It is deeply rooted in my heart,
The bond was special its as though our souls had met before
Instantly connected when met.. 
  
Like the white rose that are as white and pure..
That is how you all are in my eyes..
For these people 
Their inner beauty reflected fr within..radiating..
with beautiful glow...
THEY had seen and take me as I am..
       

When i closed my eyes i would imagine the beach which i had missed so much..
I would love again to feel the soft sand beneath my feet..
The smell of the sea..
The wind gently touching my face..
somewhat always the sea had the calming effect on me..
I could stay ages just soaking in the tranquility..
Sometimes i could see a rainbow over the horizon..
The longing to be there..
One day..if Allah permits me when i'm well n fully mobile again.. 

Ya ALLAH ..please make me strong.. Only U KNOWS..

Thank u for all the duas/prayers.. pls keep continue to make duas/prayers for me as i'm still sick n hopefully won't be hospitalize again...JazakAllah Khair.... thank u....

"Please make duas/pray for me as i'm sick...JazakAllah Khair.... thank u....

Traveller
-Rainbow of Life
All rights reserved @ Allah's presence

Just a temporary traveler
I know I'm just but a mere traveler in this world..
For Jannah i should have to strive for..
As for problems, trials are but a mere temporary one and it shall pass..
I know too that only ALLAH knows the unseen, uncertain..
The problems, trials, obstacles in life are tests to endure...
Patience, strength, ties between families, relatives, friends being tested...
But at times I felt that I could not not endure any longer..
Feeling that I am holding to the end of the rope..
The feeling of being broken, drained, lost...
It's nice for once to feel and having the support needed,
encouragement given..
To make at least these trials easier..
Just an advice to those who had seen and come across us poor souls who are struggling to go though these an unending obstacles..
You may never the heavy burden which we have to bear..
The frustrations from people who choose not to understand and being misunderstood..
Please don't judge, please don't point fingers, please don't blame, please don't give negative thoughts and comments as such acts are as though you would not throw stones at someone who is drowning...
If you choose not to save or could not save..
Either throw a buoy at the person who is in peril..
Or please just walk by.. as u might not know when the person drowning might be you..
As life is just a mere temporary one.. and all of us are mere travelers, who had to go through all different roads..
Not knowing what's in store for us..
But we still had to go though all these roads regardless..
leading to the permanent ones..


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