My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.


Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had


Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.


Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.


Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.


Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.


It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.


Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.


Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.


Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.


Be silly… don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.


Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.


Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.


Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.


Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)


Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.


Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.


Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.


Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.


Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.


Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.


In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.


These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.


If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.


http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

When your wife feels weak, Be to her like a father.
when she cries, Be to her like a Mother.
When she makes a mistake, Be to her like a brother.
When she complains, Be to her like a friend.
When she feels afraid, Annex her in to your heart and be to her like a lover.
When she needs advice be to her like a sister.
And make her feel that you always with her And Will not abandon her till death. —

https://www.facebook.com/pages/ISLAM4PEACE/411373032212103

"If you want to keep your relationship with your spouse healthy and strong, stop putting so much effort into maintaining relationships with other people. Every day we go out and we are ready to go out of our way to help anyone and everyone in their time of need, yet when our wives need emotional or physical support, we tend to see it more of a nuisance and a chore rather than something we enjoy doing. There’s a reason why the Messenger of Allah SAW recognized the people of best character as those who are best to their wives."

https://www.facebook.com/WisdomFromIslam

A Mother's Love



This world has jewels, money, land
position, power, and mansions grand
But a mother's love more precious far,
than all these other treasures are.

A mother nurtures, guides, protects
Her teachings each child's life affects,
and when in later years they go,
away from home, and friends they know
Those teachings will provide the stay,
to keep them on the good straight way.

Though some may stray to taste the fruits,
of worldly pleasures -- still the roots
of Mother's teachings, love, and care
will some day draw them back to where,
the Savior's love can them enfold,
and fill them with a spirit bold.

So children, each and every day,
honor your mother in some way --
To show that you appreciate,
she taught you how to love, not hate.
To comfort you, to guide, to lead,
to be there in your time of need.

But best of all, -- to show the way,
that leads to home with Allaah some day.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sisters-Forever/187854354565292

People Say You Can't Forget Your First Love

Then Why Do People Forget Their Parents?




https://www.facebook.com/IslamForKids123?fref=ts

ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.ƸӜƷƸӜƷ•°*””*°•.



My son, This is a letter of injury from your poor mother, who wrote in shyness after much delay and hesitation. Often, she had picked up a pen and was stopped by a tear! And she would stop the tear, only that the heart's wailing would prevail.


'My son...after all this time, I see you a matured man, of sound mind and balanced emotions. It is my right over you that you should at least read this paper, and then if you wish, you can rip it, as you have ripped at the corners of my heart before.


'My son...more than twenty years ago, it was a bright and sunny day in my life when the doctor told me I was pregnant. Mothers, my son, know the meaning of this word well! It is a blend of joy and rapture, and the beginning of pain marked by physical and emotional changes. And after those glad tidings, I carried you nine months inside me with jubilant happiness. I rose with difficulty, and I slept with difficulty. I ate with difficulty, and I breathed with difficulty. Only none of this lessened my delight and love for you.


Instead, my love grew more with the days and a longing for you flourished within me.


'I carried you, my son, enduring weakness upon weakness, and pain upon pain, delighting at your movement, and rejoicing at your weight's increase, though it was for me, a heavy burden. It was long suffering, after which came the dawn of a night I did not sleep in or close my eyelids. I acquired of suffering and anguish, and of fear and alarm, what neither a pen can describe nor a tongue utter.


'The hurt grew so severe I lacked strength to cry, and I saw death with my eyes several times. This lasted until you came out into the world, when the tears of your screams mixed with the tears of my bliss, and removed all my torment and injury. Even in my pain, I held you in tenderness and kissed you before they could take you away and wash you with a single drop of water.


'My son... years have passed of your life as I have carried you in my heart and bathed you with my hands. I made my lap for you a bed and my bosom for you nourishment. I was awake during my nights so you could sleep and laboring during my days so you could be happy. My wish, everyday, was to see your smile, and my pleasure, every moment, that you should ask for something I could make for you. These things were the peak of my ecstasy.


'The days and nights passed and I was still in that state: an attendant servant who did not neglect and a nurse who did not stop; a worker who did not rest and a supplicant for your good and success who did not slacken. I watched you day after day until your body strengthened and your youthful energy turned righteous, and the signs of manhood began to appear in you. I found myself running left and right, searching for you for the kind of wife you requested.


'The date of your marriage came, and the time of your wedding neared. At this, my heart tore, and my tears ran, out of joy for your new life and sadness at your parting. After that, the hours passed heavily, and the moments slowly, and then I suddenly realized you were not my son that I knew. Your smile had vanished, your voice had disappeared, and your expression grown sullen. You have forsaken me and forgotten my rights!


'The days pass and I watch for your countenance and wait with a yearning sorrow to hear your voice. Your abandonment has grown long, and the days have spread out. I have stared patiently at the door, hoping you might come, and listened expectantly for the sound of the ringing phone until I thought myself delusional. And here the days have extended and the nights grown dark, and I neither see you nor hear your voice. You have disregarded the person who took care of you with the best of human care.


'My son, I don't ask but little. Put me in the place of your slightest friend, the farthest from your regard. Make me, my son, one of your monthly stations, so that I see you then if only for a sparing time.


'My son...my back has arched and my limbs have shriveled. I have been wearied by ailments and visited by sickness. I do not rise except with adversity, nor sit except with hardship, and my heart still throbs with love for you.


'My son, whenever I learn that you are happy in your life, my happiness and joy increase. I am puzzled, when you are the product of my toils. What sin have I reaped that I have become an enemy you cannot stand to see, and whose visit is so burdensome? Did I falter some day in your treatment, or neglect for a moment your attendance? Make me like the rest of your servants whose rights you give to them, and grant me a part of your mercy. Award me with some of my recompense, and be good, for Allah loves the doers of good.


'My son, I wish to see you! I don't want other than that! My heart has broken, and my tears have flowed, and you are alive and receiving sustenance. I hear people still talk about your refined manners and gracious conduct. Let me see, if nothing else, the frown of your face, and the features of your anger.


'My son...is it not time for your heart to soften to a frail woman worn out by longing and restrained by mourning; a woman who has made grief her emblem and distress her garment; a women whose weeping you have caused, whose heart you have saddened, and whose kinship you have broken?


'My son...here is the door to heaven before you, so pursue it, and knock upon it. Perhaps I will meet you there by my Lord's mercy as it camein the Hadith: 'The parent is the best door to paradise. So if you want, you may ignore this door or pay attention to it' [narrated by Imam Ahmed]


My son, I know that since your height has increased and your shoulders broadened, you have been looking for reward and merit. Perhaps today you have forgotten the words of the Prophet Sallalahu alaihi wasallam : 'The best of deeds to Allah is prayer at its proper time, then kindness to the parents, then Jihad in the cause of Allah [agreed upon].' Here then is that reward without the waging of battles or slaying of enemies, so where are you from the best of deeds?


'My son, I warn you from being of those meant by the Prophet ﷺ when he said: 'Let him be humbled, let him be humbled, let him be humbled.' It was said: 'Who, oh Messenger of Allah?' He said: 'Whomever finds his parents in their old age, one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise' [Muslim]


'My son, I will not raise the complaints or disclose the sorrow, for it they rise above the clouds and reach the sky's door, you will be seized with the evil of ungratefulness. Punishment will come down to you, and your living be overtaken with calamity. No, I will not do that. You are still my son, a piece of me. You are the flower of my heart, and the delight of my life.


'Wake up my son. Old age is overtaking you, and years will pass and you will soon become an aged father. Reward is given according to doing, and you will write letters to your son with tears as I have to you. And with Allah, adversity gathers.' Son, fear Allah in your mother, and be constant to her, for heaven is at her feet. Brush away her tears, and ease her sadness, and if you still insist, then rip her letter.


And know, that whomever does good, it is for himself, and whomever doe evil, it is against him.








https://www.facebook.com/IslamForKids123?fref=ts

What A woman wants ? : A good husband who reminds her of Allah at the time of hardship he would comfort her and say ” Do not be sad my dear wife,verily Allah is with us “

https://www.facebook.com/SuperMuslimah

The best love is when you find
someone who makes your
Imaan rise, who makes
you ...more pious and who helps
you here in the dunya because
that person wants to meet you again in Jannah...♥

https://www.facebook.com/hadithoftheday1

If you’re going to love your daughter, please love her now while she's young and can know all the sweet tender feelings a father is suppose to show.

Love your little girl, while she is living. Do not wait until she is forever gone.
Then you will have to carve it into marble, your warm loving words on ice cold stone.

If you ever have sweet thoughts about her, why not whisper them into her sweet little ears.

Don't you think it would make her happy to know her father is will


ing to watch her grow?

Please don't wait until she is sleeping and never to be woken.

Then there will be miles of the earth between you and her.
Then your little girl will not hear your words, and if she does it will be too late to respond because she will be gone!
If you want to love your little girl, then love her now.

You can teach her things I am unable to, and she’ll have plenty of time to get to know her father, before another gets to know her

There is a tender little heart around you; thank God she’s too young to know. She is waiting for your love.

Why withhold from your little girl what God has given you to give her... love and fatherly guidance.

So if you’re going to love her, love her now!




https://www.facebook.com/IslamForKids123

true love is a wonder that has no ending or a beginning

Love your spouse, and if you love them SHOW them how much you love them by your actions
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Inspirations-in-life/162439140475723

I really2 wanna hug her very tight as if i have never seen her before when she wakes up..i really miss her alot and i wanna hear her voice again :(

A letter written from a son to his mum who was very sick...:(

Tough time becomes beautiful when our beloved ones wipe our tears saying,"hey dear I am here for you",even tears turn to smile.



Treat those you deal with in the best way possible. You never know if this could be the last time you meet

https://www.facebook.com/Hadiths.andQuotes

"MY FATHER IS MY REAL HERO"

Father's who are kind, loving, caring, tolerant & patient, who spend maximum time with their families and strive to be rolemodels are the greatest asset to a home.

The role of a father to protect the family and


instill spirituality, values & morals can only be fulfilled correctly if he realises the seriousness of this great responsibility.

The Almighty has instilled the respect of a father in the eyes of the children but his actions can either build upon it or destroy it as time passes.

When the father of the home is irresponsible, the entire home is affected negatively and the future of the children is at stake.

Brothers be the best dads possible who bring their children up in the best possible way by the Help of the Almighty!













"WHAT WOMEN LOOKING FOR"

A couple that wishes to have a successful relationship must understand each other’s needs. A husband must take into account that a woman’s needs and expectations are different than a man’s. Great intimacy can only


be achieved if a woman finds a complete, fulfilling relationship.

So what are women looking for in a marriage?


Women get married to find a special best friend. They want someone who will share their secrets, laugh and joke with them, love them, cherish them, adore them, be romantic with them, and make them feel beautiful and sexy. They want someone who will be attracted to them emotionally through their personality, and attracted to them physically through their bodies.


A woman wants a partner who will strive together with her through this life; laughing and rejoicing through the good times, and sticking by each other and supporting each other through the bad times. She wants a man strong in his deen who can stand up and take the responsibility of the household, and help raise the children in accordance with Islam.


A woman wants her husband to be her friend, companion, and soul mate.










Any good husband must realize that a woman’s primary need is emotional.He must take into account the prophetic tradition “The best of you are those who are best to their wives,” [Sahih al-Bukhari], and then strive to be the best to his wife.

Men have been assigned the responsibility by Allah to take care of their wives, and this entails treating them with love and respect, and striving to make them happy. If a husband can fulfill his wife.s primary needs, not only will Allah reward him, his wife will be content with him, and together the couple’s life will be more harmonious. Moreover, when a woman’s needs are fulfilled she will be more willing to fulfill her husband’s needs.

The best way to satisfy a woman’s emotional needs is to listen to her and respond to her with compassion. By listening to her intently, with your undivided attention, and taking a genuine interest in what she has to say, she will feel loved, cherished and important. Realize that when she approaches you with her problems, she doesn’t necessarily want solutions, she just wants sympathy and understanding.








https://www.facebook.com/Emotions.of.Muslims

Humor Alert •►
"In a Masjid they were teaching how ALLAH created everything , including human beings.
Little Abdullah seemed intrigued when they told him how Hawa was created, out of one of Adam's (alayhi salaam) ribs. Later in the week, Abdullah's mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and asked:

"Abdullah, what is the matter?" Little Abdullah responded, "I have pain on my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


https://www.facebook.com/IslamForKids123

Your Parents Deserve your Love
-Zeneefa Zaneer


A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).

It is true that a mother goes through many difficulties yet it doesn’t mean a father doesn’t. It is true that prophet Muhammed (PBUH) told to love the mother more yet he (PBUH) didn’t tell not to love the father.
There have been many poems, stories and articles been written and dedicated to mothers yet there’s less when it comes to a father. A father’s love speaks less so we too discuss less about his love. I often come across the words saying ‘no love can be compared with a mother’s love’ or similar statuses. I stare at such statements with disagreement. I’m a mother so I should feel better yet my heart doesn’t let me to be partial. I’ve experienced the unconditional love of a father and now I experience my husband sheds his unconditional love over my children.
Yes, as a mother I know mothers go through difficult times from bearingchildren within them and bringing them up. They risk themselves to give birth to their children. When I was carrying my babies in me what I felt was, let them be safe no matter what happens to me. It is not a surprise to think so, every mother expect her child’s wellbeing. She sacrifices her sleep, her likings and every thing, almost everything. She forgets about her life while she takes care of other lives. The happiness of her is to see her children smile and be happy. She cries not for her pains but for her children’s. I have seen my mother being worried about her grandchildren where I have never seen her being panicked when something went wrong with us. She becomes brave to hold her pains within herself for her children. She courageously bears the agonies but she fails to bear the agonies her children face. When I had met with an accident, broke my ankle my mother was expecting her third child and she was close to her due, yet she walked miles carrying me to the doctor because it was during political distress in the country and had no means of transportation.
That was a mother; she scolds and screams at her children when they do something wrong because if she doesn’t correct them today someone else might correct them in future leaving scars and bruises.

So is it only a mother who goes through every difficulty? No, not at all! How can we simply forget the man behind her? How can we neglect his love? Yes, there are cruel fathers too who heartlessly neglect their children. But aren’t there any such mothers too? Yes there are. There are different kinds of human. There are criminals in the society, yet not every human being is a criminal. Likewise, there can be bad fathers and bad mothers but we cannot label every parent with same title.
Some says a father is like a sleeping partner in a company, he goes to work, earn, come back and sleeps. Wakes up and same routine begins every day. Do you think so? Do you know how difficult it is to earn a penny? How much of pressure they bear in themselves. They bottle up their agonies. They have pressure at working place as well as home. Yet he silently bears not letting others feel how depressed he is.

‘No storm is stronger than emotions of a father, no love is silence than his love, and no voice could be deep as the oceans as his.’
When he is emotionally blown it is stronger than a storm. That is because his love is not shown but stored. Have you seen a dam? What happens when the doors of the dams are open? His love is similar to that. SubhanAllah, trust me learn to feel him you will understand, every breath he drops down carries an amount of love for the family he cares. I’ve seen so many such fathers. To whom they sacrifice their age? For his children and family. I know, some of you would not agree…but as I’ve said there are good and bad people. There are mothers who protect their children like their own life but don’t we meet otherwise? Haven’t we heard of mothers who torture their children, who neglects for their enjoyment?
Although it is a custom here that meals are served first to the men in the family, we practice the other way. My husband always let me have my meals first while he looked after the kids and then he dines. Although he had to go to work early in the morning he woke up in midnight and had helped me to lullaby the infants. Even it happens now. When my children fall sick, it is he who panics a lot, why? Because of the love he has. I’ve seen him crying when my son was admitted in the hospital. I have never seen him broken the way he was then. I’ve heard my father has been the same kind. I still can remember my dad was the one who gave medicines for us and now I see the history being repeated.

The fathers I see do wash their children’s clothes, help them do homework, clean the house, cook and help the mothers in every possible way. The only thing they don’t do is bearing their children. That is the only difference between a father and a mother, so they need to be loved and cared. It’s our duty to understand them. Teenagers see their fathers as their greatest enemies, because fathers are strict. We feel more comfortable in communicating with mother than the father. At night, both my children come to me to hug and I see my husband bear it with a smile. Children feel more secure with their mother but it is the father who protects the family going through hard times, holding the pains and rejections by himself.

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(17:23-24).

If you feel your father doesn’t deserve to be loved then ask Allah dua to make him better. No matter what they are, we have to learn to love them, if it looks impossible try not to hate and add them in your dua. From billions of people it is them that Allah has chosen to be your parents. So it doesn’t matter whether they showed you love or not, as a Muslim you have to learn to love and respect them. Be thankful for Allah for you are been blessed with parents because someone somewhere is wishing for one.
Seasons are different so are the human. Not two are the same, so learn to accept how they are. There might be untold pains and stories in their lives. People who are living in deserts have to bear the whether no matter how much they disliked. There are always alternative options rather than leaving that place.
Do you know when there’s a cavity in a tooth, the dentist does not extract it at once? Do you think it would be the same once a tooth is extracted? No, there’s a difference. There’s a difference in the procedure of chewing as well as the appearance of you. It is same with the bonds in life. Be thankful for what you have. Today’s’ bad father can turn into the best father tomorrow with Allah’s mercy. Never ever choose one over another, both your parents deserve to be loved and cared for they have been sacrificing their entire life to bring you up.

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

In this verse it talks about mother, for she carries the baby but as a grown up don’t you know that the father has a part in this production? Use your wisdom to understand life deeply rather just seeing it as it is.

No storm is stronger than emotions of a father, no love is silence than his love, and no voice could be deep as the oceans as his.

No quilt can give the warmth of a mother, no comfy mattress would be comfortable as her lap and no lullaby is a match for her gentle breath.

https://www.facebook.com/islamicinspiringwords